Cherry Stems and Destiny
by The Tortured Poet
Summary: Hotaru didn't deserve a druggie from a broken home or someone who agreed to head from a mythomaniac. Hotaru was classy and too good for me. That's why I did what I did. RukaHotaru, some messed-up RukaSumire. AU. Abuse. Oneshot. -3-


**Disclaimer: **Nope.

**Author's Note: **If you can tell me which book this fic was inspired by, you are freaking awesome. It might be banned from your country though. :D

I made it RukaHotaru because technically they aren't supposed to be together, therefore defying destiny. Ruka is OOC, though. Not completely, but he is kinda (pretty?) OOC. I had to make it that way for this to work, because I wanted him to be a bit like the boy in the story (mindset-wise). Also, forgive the few grammar mistakes. Most of them are due to Document Manager, because it likes to take out words and letters and punctuation (it hates me), therefore making me look illiterate.

Whee, my word count is 8,612. And I did this in twelve hours. So proud, so proud. (Oh, and the cherry stem thing? Apparently if you can tie one using your mouth or whatever, you're a really good kisser.)

* * *

><p>Hotaru had always been way too good for me.<p>

God knows I'd kill to be the victim of her blackmailing again. God knows I'd kill to see her glare at me again.

Anything to show she still cared.

But then I remember what I did to her and I know it won't happen. I feel the tears in my eyes and the clenching of my fist, the glass bottle in my bruised hands and the pain in my heart. It's funny how that sounds so cheesy because I know that normally, I'm anything but.

Not even just "normally."

I've _always _been anything but.

Something in my heart told me she still did, but I remembered her face after I told her Sumire wanted to kill me, and she did nothing.

That hurt. I suddenly got an idea of what she'd been going through the past eight months.

I really was an asshole. If I died this week, the least I could do was make her understand – somehow. I couldn't go without Hotaru knowing the truth.

I stared at the glass bottle in my hand. And if I was going to do that, I'd change, too. I got up, walked to the trash can, and tossed the useless bottle of booze in the trash.

No more booze for me. I didn't need it to numb the pain. I didn't need it to embrace my new destiny.

Because I shouldn't be showing pain. I'd let Hotaru know the truth.

And like the real Ruka, I'd defy destiny.

Over, and over, and over again.

Every single time.

* * *

><p><em>I think of one of the many times we stopped by our favorite hangout, a dingy hole-in-the-wall restaurant called Slinky's.<em>

_I'd always eye the buttery croissant they displayed in the menu, but always thought better of connecting myself to my half-French background and my punching-bag-doormat hybrid of a mother. Instead, I'd order a chicken burger and a glass of cherry coke. Hotaru always ordered large crab sticks, a grilled cheese and a tall vanilla shake – triple amount the whipped cream and chocolate shavings and a cherry topping the very middle of the mountain of whipped cream._

_When she was feeling down, she'd replace the cherry with a strawberry. After all, I'd watched her long enough to know._

_We both thought the little things would mean best friends forever._

_I remember wishing once that I was the cherry in between her lips. I remember watching it slip in between them and never coming out again. And I remember how she took out the stem and then put it between her lips again to try and tie the stem like always._

_She could never do it, but I always could. I always asked for another cherry, because she was too good for me and I couldn't get too close, or I'd get burned. No – she would. Because Hotaru Imai would make your life hell, but sometimes I wasn't sure who exactly the fire here was._

_That's why I always stayed at a distance, in a way. Just in case it was her. Just because she was the toughest, most bad-ass girl I knew didn't mean she couldn't get hurt. I knew her past hurt her even if she covered it up, with what her alcoholic, work-obsessed dad, her brother, who inherited the same alcoholic genes their dad did, and her mother, who left them all for some nerdy lunatic of a therapist._

_Some therapist. I wonder what therapeutic theory he was trying out by being a homewrecker. I thought nerds were only supposed to care about Starcraft or reading or pleated pants?_

_And it sucked that Hotaru Imai was as classy as the black she always wore while I was equivalent to the dirt beneath her leather boots._

_No, I didn't even deserve to be that._

_But even though I'd never let her be with me, I wanted her to have a happy life. A long, happy life. I wanted her to fall in love and have kids and grandkids and great-grandkids. I wanted her to take a chance and do all the things she wanted to do and become all the things she wanted to become._

But what if she wants you? _My inner voice asked me._

_Yeah, well, I told my inner voice to fuck the hell off._

_Sure, she took pictures of me, blackmailed me and persuaded me with that mischievous, cute little smirk, but she managed to make me feel better about myself. Maybe I was so twisted I was starting to feel like someone cared when she took the pictures. Part of why I felt better was probably because I knew she loved me, even if she also knew about my parents. But then again, that's probably why I was starting to fall for Hotaru – because she actually gave a shit._

_It felt nice to give a shit about someone, too. Because honestly, I could care less about my parents, who couldn't even face their own shit._

_And if it were other people and this were another world, then maybe I could care about people like that. Except the only problem was that I'd seen enough of my abusive dad, and I couldn't bring myself to care about him or my doormat mother._

_My dad was an asshole, and my mother was an absolute idiot. I'd have left his ass as soon as he raised his hand to strike me, if I were her. But she's still there. Still here._

_And maybe I just don't understand, but I've always tried to be a little logical. So I could be a little classy, like Hotaru. And then maybe I could actually allow myself to think I had a chance._

_When Hotaru and I finished eating and talking, that very same day that I wished I was the cherry, I drove both of us back to our houses. It wasn't hard. After all, we were neighbors, and seeing my dad hit my mom didn't bother me anymore. Much._

"_Bye Hotaru," I waved, walking over to my place._

"_Bye, Ruka," she said. There was the tiniest hint of a smile on her face._

_I couldn't hold my smile back, even though we were both fire._

_When I put my key through the lock and twisted the door open, the first thing I saw was my father's angry face. I silently walked past him, taking a note of my mother, who crumpled to the ground as a glass bottle shattered against her clothing and pierced her already heavily bruised skin._

_But I didn't do anything._

_My father never pretended he didn't do it. Never pretended he was always drunk when he did it, because the reality was that he was a wife-beating asshole all around. My mother never looked to me hopelessly for help, so that I would know that at least that she was aware how much of an asshole he was. So I never tried._

_Was that really why?_

_I climbed the stairs, locked the door to my room and flung myself on top of my bed._

_I wasn't smiling anymore. Hotaru's smile was still in my mind, hidden in that folder I kept in my memories just for all the feelings she let me have._

_But I wasn't thinking of it anymore._

_No, I was thinking of how my father never said hi. How he didn't know how to whisper and how all he did was yell at my mother and put on a show for just about everyone else. How he didn't play sports or teach me anything except for How to Be a Fucker 101. How he wasn't like a normal dad._

_I was thinking of my mother, who never asked me how school went. Who had never tucked me in as a kid or smiled. Who never, ever kissed me goodnight because she was too weak. Who only went after the one dream that she always knew would be her downfall, just to avoid destiny – marrying my father._

_She never told him off of beating her, so I guess she never really avoided destiny. Now she's destined to be beaten until she's dead, because she's not going to do anything about it, although Hotaru might. One day. Maybe I'll finally give a shit enough to care, too, and help Hotaru with my mom._

_I was thinking of how I always called my house a _house_, because that's all it was. A house with three people living in it, considering you can even call it that. Because this house was just that, and to call this place a home would be a horrible thing would do._

_The day I call this place a home is the day I turn into a wife-beating asshole._

_And that will never fucking happen. No matter what the mistakes I make, I will never become a wife-beating asshole._

_At least, that's what I said back then._

_That's not how it is now._

* * *

><p>'The marksman aims at himself'. I don't know who said it, but basically it's telling me that my dad's just hitting himself, not my mom. And my mom's just hiding from herself, not my dad.<p>

Which when you think about it, makes a lot of sense.

Like I said – they were cowards who couldn't be bothered to face their own shit.

That's another reason why I liked Hotaru – she faced her shit bravely. I remember when we were fourteen and she told me she was worried for my mom.

"_Why would you worry about her?" I'd asked._

"_Because it's wrong," she said._

_Even though Hotaru Imai was the Ice Queen, she still knew it was wrong and she still wanted to help._

_But maybe that's because she loved me. Or maybe I was just a shithead for being delusional enough to think that that was the reason, even though I knew she did. Because I was delusional enough to know it was wrong but not do anything about it._

_At least Hotaru_ wanted_ to. I just took it as the way my life was._

_I said, "So?" since I really was an insensitive shithead._

_She told me, "So, your dad should go to jail."_

"_For being a wife-beating asshole?" I asked her._

"_Exactly for being a wife-beating asshole," she confirmed. I would've stopped talking. Maybe I should've. But I didn't._

"_Why do you care so much?"_

_She raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry for not wanting to go and ignore everything like adults always do." And I knew she was pissed and hurt and being sarcastic, but all I could think about was how she said sorry._

_Even sarcastically, she never apologized. And that's how I knew she was serious. I knew she'd do something._

_But when she looked longingly at our yellow brick house I realized she wouldn't do whatever it was._

_Not yet._

* * *

><p>When I first met Sumire Shouda, she was wearing a long-sleeved white shirt with the sleeves rolled up, tight black jeans and a pair of expensive-looking red boots with buckles. I knew she was trouble from the seductive smirk she threw at me, her heavily lined eyes flashing with a kind of playfulness I didn't want to get involved in.<p>

The same day I met her was also the day I first got detention in high school. I got caught with a bottle of Budweiser in the elementary playground when I was skipping class. No kids were there, but there you have it. They can find me in the playground drinking, but they can't find my dad hitting my mom. And sometimes, she really did scream loud, loud enough to be heard from outside the house before my father made her shut up. I always saw Hotaru through my window at those times, glaring at my sunny yellow brick house.

Because she knew. And my parents knew that the Imais' knew that they knew.

"What's your name?" Sumire asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Ruka."

She nodded, looking me over appreciatively. I didn't know what was to appreciate. I was wearing a green t-shirt and worn-down, holey, frayed blue jeans. Apparently I was good-looking, but I shrugged at that.

"Well, Ruka, it's nice to meet you," she said slyly, as if there was anything to be sly about.

I stared, and that was about it.

"Hm," I said. "You too."

"Sumire," she said out of nowhere, and I stared at her again until I realized she was telling me her name.

"Oh," I said. I could tell she didn't like that I was pretty much blowing her off, but I mean, what was I supposed to say? 'Hey, fancy meeting you here in detention, so who are you again?' Jesus.

Sure, it might've been the nice thing to do, but I was never the most sociable person on the planet.

It became silent for a while. Taking this as my cue, I'd started to mind my own business and get a move on the math homework. But then Sumire spoke up again.

"What are you here for?"

"Drinking," I told her simply, not bothering to look up.

"I'm here for smoking." I shrugged, because I really didn't know what to say. I mean, what _do _you say to that?

"Rebels are really hot, you know," she tried again.

This time I looked up and raised an eyebrow at her. I said, "So you're calling yourself a rebel?" Sumire started laughing.

"Uh, no, I'm calling _you _a rebel."

"So you're saying I'm hot," I deadpanned.

She grinned, "Exactly."

"Oh, well, thanks." She gave me a flirty wink.

That was pretty much the end of it until Narumi-sensei told us we could go. When that happened, she leaned in real close, putting a slip of paper in my hand.

When I opened it, it turned out to be her phone number.

_563-926-1024._

I didn't keep it. When I got to my locker, I looked at the kid who had the locker beside me, Koko.

"Hey, Koko. A present for you." I slid the piece of paper in his locker and he raised his eyebrow.

"Whose number is that, Ruka?"

"Some girl named Sumire." He shrugged and spun his combination lock back onto his locker, leaving the paper inside.

I wasn't exactly sure what would happen to it, but I had a feeling Koko wouldn't just leave it there to rot.

* * *

><p>The following week, I had detention again. Like last week, Sumire sat in the seat beside me, her groupies sitting on the desks behind us.<p>

I was preparing myself for another interruption on my homework, but nothing. All she did was talk to her friends.

But then at the end of detention, she stopped me.

"Hey, Ruka," she said.

"Yeah?"

"Why didn't you call me?" I put on my poker face, hoping it looked natural enough, and shrugged.

She rolled her eyes good-naturedly, like she didn't know I just gave her number to some dude in the locker beside me, but then again, she probably didn't. Although she probably figured I threw it, or something, which was kind of true. What use did I have for her number?

She said, "Well, you want to come over tonight?" I paused in my tracks.

"You want me to what?"

"Do you want to come over?"

_Alright, _I thought decidedly. _This girl is nuts. _But what I said was, "I barely know you."

"Exactly, and I'd like to get to know you."

"Sorry, Sumire," I denied, "but I've got homework."

She scoffed, "You've got so much homework I'm starting to wonder if you're a nerd. Are you sure drinking was the real reason why you got detention?"

"Yep," I confirmed shortly.

"Look. My mom and my stepdad are out on a date. They won't care if you're there."

"I still can't," I said. "But it's nice that they're going out of date." It was completely off-topic, but I didn't want to be completely rude.

Scoffing, Sumire shrugged, "I guess, but whatever."

"Hm." I was quiet.

She sighed, like I was giving her a hard time, which I probably was. "I can give you head."

In my mind, my eyes were bugging out of my head, but what I said was, "What the fuck?"

She pursed her lips and looked at me like she was actually getting annoyed. _Well, good. I don't really want anything to do with you._

"I can give you head," she repeated slowly, like I was a five year old. That was a gross thought – Sumire giving a five year old head. Oh man.

"And why the hell would you say that?" She was quiet. "Seriously, and what makes you think I want head?"

Here, she could reply. She gave a short laugh. "What guy _doesn't _want head?" she asked incredulously.

"Me," I told her. _Because I'm head over heels for Hotaru Imai._

Sumire stared at me disbelievingly. "You don't actually believe I think you're serious, right?" I shook my head.

"Not at all." Sure, this was something out of a porn magazine, but seriously. I just couldn't let it happen.

Is this the moment where I applaud myself for having some self-control and dignity? Because I just don't know.

"Well?" Was she still expecting me to go to her house?

I sighed, "I told you Sumire, I can't."

"And I'm telling you, Ruka. Think about that head offer."

"I seriously can't, I'm sorry." And then as an afterthought, to get her to stop bugging me, I said, "So what, if every guy supposedly wants head, does that mean you go and give it to every guy that asks for it?"

Sumire froze. I could tell she didn't like being referred to as a slut, but it was an honest question, although it was one I didn't really want to hear the answer to. No matter what I might say about myself, I didn't entertain pretty much talking about the state of pleasure my penis was in to some girl I barely knew. Or, well, girls pretty much. Like, at all. I've talked to her, what, two times?

But it wasn't just that. In my head, I knew I was hoping that she'd say something classy. Not exactly something like Hotaru would, but just something _normal. _So I could hope that not everyone was as messed up as me, so I could hope that she wasn't doing this because she was as tangled in and out with destiny as I was, so I could hope that... Well, actually, I don't know what I was really hoping for. I just knew I wished she'd say something normal.

And I guess the reason why I wanted her to say something normal because I could tell. I could tell she was saying everything she did because she liked me. It's not like I was completely blind. It was pretty obvious from the start, just that, obviously, this girl had a weird way of showing it. Or just her own way. Whichever you prefer.

I was hoping she could have just said something normal like, "I like you, Ruka" because that's what it was, and not so much because she actually wanted us both to pig out at her place with the sexual acts.

I don't know.

"I don't," she said coldly. "And you better watch that mouth of yours, Ruka. I know some people who could kick your ass."

I was tempted to say, 'why, can't do it yourself?' but I really wasn't that sort of person.

"Alright," I said. "I will." She left the room, and I was left hoping Narumi-sensei hadn't heard that whole exchange.

After that, she wouldn't stop. She'd come up to me randomly, talking me up while I tried to get it through her head that I just couldn't do that right now.

Or ever.

Because Sumire kept distracting me, I found myself landing detention more and more often. At first it was because she wouldn't stop bugging me and I knew I had kept thinking of ways to get her to leave me alone. It caused me to land detention because I wasn't listening in class. But then I started to realize something – I actually _wanted _to talk to her now. I'm not sure if it was because of the head thing, or because I finally realized she really was as messed up as I was, and people like me and Sumire had to stick together so we wouldn't pull in other innocent people along for the joyride. Which, just to inform you, didn't mean that I _actually _wanted to _really _know her – it's just that knew I was a nuisance to all the happiness in the world.

It scared me absolutely shitless when I thought she actually managed to _hook _me.

It especially scared me because every time I was about to go to detention, I'd see Hotaru in the corner of my eye, staring at me and the girl in thick eyeliner.

I didn't know what to think. But I started to think more and more of Sumire's head offer. Like I said, Sumire's head offer was something out of a porn magazine.

And maybe more mistakes would finally go right somewhere.

So after two months of getting to know her a bit, I looked at her and said, "Hey, Sumire."

"Yeah?" she said, motioning for me to keep talking.

"Let's go to my place tonight."

It wasn't a date. But one look at my poker face and she knew what I wanted.

She smirked.

"Alright, babe."

I didn't remember ever letting me call her babe, but I'd let that go, too.

It felt like I was trying not to love Hotaru anymore, and even though that'd be a good thing, I just don't know. Do I feel like I betrayed her? Because I sure see betrayal every time I see those amethyst eyes staring at me from outside the detention room.

Guess I just let myself go.

Because when I started hanging out with Sumire Shouda, Hotaru started disliking me.

And when she saw Sumire at my place that night, she started to hate me. I knew she saw, and I knew she knew what we were doing, and I knew she started to hate me then.

I _knew _she did.

And I knew she hated me more when she saw just exactly where I did what I did – our treehouse, that we constructed ourselves. And I hated myself for it.

But I was still hoping that enough mistakes would turn right in my head even though I knew they never would.

* * *

><p>Hotaru and I don't see each other anymore.<p>

She's working on her inventions and I'm... well, I'm hanging out with Sumire Shouda and her groupies. Doing what I did with Sumire felt disgusting and I wasn't sure how much more I could take of it.

How did she even become my girlfriend?

…Oh, right.

We were in the treehouse, that first time, when I accepted the head offer.

After what had happened, she said, "Stay."

And I'd said, "Yes."

And we both knew what that had meant.

Just because Sumire was easy, pretty and into me didn't mean anything. Not if I didn't feel anything for her. Not if I thought she was an absolute psycho. Not if I thought she was a mythomaniac.

I knew she impulsively told lies. It was her obsession. She pretended to have leukemia, once. Another time, she was feeling neglected and she told her mom and her stepdad that she was self-harming and turning bulimic, which only got her hooked on anti-depressants she didn't actually need.

But wow.

I hadn't seen Hotaru in four months and it's been torture. I don't know how any of this happened.

Shouldn't I feel happy? Maybe not happy, but I wasn't around Hotaru anymore. I knew that she was hurting, too, but I never thought that getting mixed up with me was a good thing for her. I always thought it was a really, really bad thing.

And isn't that why I did this? _Yes._

Then why doesn't it feel right? _I have no idea._

This hadn't been the first time I had thought of all this.

I lied on my bed. I wish I could go somewhere, but I don't even know where to go, even though this place is suffocating me. All I hear is my father's yelling, my mother in pain, books and glass and who knows what, thudding and shattering and...

I have to get out of here. I exited the house and got into my car, driving around aimlessly. Adding money onto my list of problems didn't seem ideal, but that house wasn't a place I liked to be inside.

Driving around gave me a chance to think about what had happened in the past four months.

There was one memory in particular that felt particularly painful.

* * *

><p><em>I had parked my car in the parking lot of a closed restaurant. Hotaru and I had both gotten out of the car. We leaned on the car side by side, me with a bottle of booze. I looked at her from the corner of my eye.<em>

"_Stop staring, idiot," she said, punching me in the arm playfully. It was hard to think of her doing anything that way, except for the fact that I knew her._

_I was going to open my mouth to say something stupid and cheesy and completely true, like 'I can't, you're so beautiful.' She shouldn't be making me act so out of character, but I had my days. It had been a pretty bad day, anyway, so I was pretty out of it. I wasn't sure if I was using that as an excuse for myself._

_Instead, what really came out of my mouth was that I wasn't good enough for her, which, really, come to think of it, _was _stupid, cheesy, and completely true. So, either way I had managed to make a complete fool of myself._

_But Hotaru sounded a bit pissed. "Bullshit," she said. "You're my best friend."_

"_Bullshit yourself," I said, not meaning to sound harsh but knowing she'd get exactly what I meant by saying it, "I'm the worst person to get yourself mixed up with."_

"_Idiot," she scowled, "that wouldn't be you."_

"_Oh, really?" I'd said, sounding like a complete douchebag. "And who would be a worse person to get your life mixed up with?"_

"_That girlfriend of yours, Sumire, but for her," she said, spitting out the word girlfriend with sarcastic venom, "or your father."_

_I didn't say anything about my father, although I wanted to. "Why are you being such a bitch about Sumire being my girlfriend? What the hell did she ever do to you? Are you jealous, or something?"_

"_As if you don't know," she shot back, fiddling with a ring she had on. _The ring I had given her_, I realized with a pang. _When I screwed up and made Sumire my girlfriend.

When I was going to make _her_ my girlfriend.

_You're such a fucking asshole, Ruka._

"_And jealous?" Hotaru asked incredulously, scoffing. She kept fiddling with the sapphire ring._

_I wasn't sure what she was going to say. I wasn't sure what I was hoping she was going to say. I was just hoping she would say something, not just walk away, considering she planned to._

_But this was Hotaru, and she gave a shit._

_She had always given a shit._

"_...You bet your lazy, bullshitting ass that I am _fucking_ jealous."_

_I was stunned, to say in the least._

"_W-What?" She caught me so off-guard she'd actually managed to make me stutter. Hotaru gave me a glare, the one that made you think, _oh, if looks could kill...

"_And damnit, she's changing you. Look what you've done to yourself!"_

"_Yeah, so what?" I countered, even though I knew what she meant. I used to drink a little, but Sumire turned me into a druggie._

_All the more reason not to deserve Hotaru._

_I took a swig._

"_On the bullshit you're saying alone, Ruka," Hotaru said angrily, "I can already tell you're changing."_

_I shrugged._

"_What's this for, huh? Is this to get back at someone? Is this just so you can go fuck your girlfriend at night? Because I know that you know that I know."_

'_Because I know that you know that I know.' That's exactly how it is with the both of us. She knew about my parents. She knew about Sumire. Did she know I loved her? Did she know it hurt? Because I knew that she knew that I knew that she loved me._

_But did she know I loved her too?_

_Did she?_

_Of course she did – she's Hotaru Imai._

_I'm stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid._

_I shrugged again._

"_Answer me, Ruka. _Answer me._" Her tone was menacing. I knew any moment she'd punch me. I also knew that when she punched someone, it _hurt_. Like hell. And I'm sure I've been there._

_But in case I haven't, yet, I'll probably be going there when I die for all the shit I've done._

_Oh yeah. Hotaru Imai definitely cared about me._

_I took another swig to annoy her, seeing her glare heatedly at the bottle. I was purposely baiting her. But I didn't know what for until I actually did it._

_Her hands clenched into tight fists._

_Yeah, I really would kill to be the cherry in between Hotaru Imai's lips. And even the dirt beneath her leather boots._

_Even if I wasn't worth it._

_Because Hotaru gave a shit._

_And she was always straight-up about it._

_And she loved me._

_So I dropped the bottle of booze, waiting to hear it crack and shatter._

_Waiting to see the liquid seep out from the broken bottle._

_And that was why I hit her, too. Because she cared. Because she loved me._

_Because right then, something told me to do it._

_And I hit her._

* * *

><p>I swallowed.<p>

She probably never wanted to see me because of that. Ever again.

I stopped the car and looked at my hands.

Did I become exactly what I said I wouldn't? Did I become a wife-beating asshole? Hotaru wasn't my wife, but damn, I wished I could tell myself it would happen in the future.

Keyword: wished. I'd wished then, but now I wondered if it would be a good idea to stop hoping. Because if these hands had hit her... If these hands had hit her, would they do so again?

I didn't know. But I wanted her to be safe. Suddenly I thought of my parents again.

I wondered what they were like before all this. Maybe at one point they had both been amazing people. Maybe at one point my mother was beautiful and healthy and lively. She'd been treated well and always smiled and told herself she'd be the best mother, if it ever got to happen. She had friends and wore shirts with short sleeves, not long to hide bruises. Maybe at one point my dad had been a normal boy, one who smiled and had his little friend stick out at the most awkward times. One who played sports and gave his friends man-hugs and flirted with pretty girls.

Was it any use hoping? What was I hoping _for?_

Was I hoping for them or for me? I didn't know what I was doing. I hadn't known in a really, really long time. At least, it sure _felt _that way, because I felt like I was going after all the wrong things. Maybe I'm just weak or something.

Then I remembered another time. Where instead of hitting her, I'd kissed her.

* * *

><p><em>When Hotaru and I were fifteen, we went to Anna Umenomiya's New Year's party.<em>

_It was about to turn twelve._

"_Hotaru?"_

"_Hmm?" she said, staring out over the balcony. We were the only ones on it. Everyone else was inside, probably watching as Anna and her boyfriend Kitsuneme went up the stairs to stir up a storm in one of the bedrooms._

_Trust me – they were one horny-ass couple._

"_I say we never go to a fuckin' New Year's party again." She nodded._

"_Agreed."_

"_They're always so…"_

"_Just not…us," she said._

"_Yeah," I nodded._

_We stared at the stars in silence, but then I said, "Aren't you curious?"_

_She raised one delicate eyebrow, not missing a beat. "About?"_

_I gestured my head towards Anna and Kitsuneme, who were walking up the stairs right at that moment. Kitsuneme must be a very happy man._

"_Are you talking about Anna and Kitsuneme, or sex?" She gave a kind of short laugh that made me look at her. I wondered what she was thinking._

_I smiled a little at her expression. "Neither. I'm talking about…" I trailed off._

"_Being in love? Getting an actual boyfriend?" She looked away from me. "Am I getting closer?"_

_I knew she knew what I was talking about, but that was Hotaru for you. Always made things harder for you – no pun intended._

"_Yeah," I said. I sounded a bit breathless and I hoped she didn't think I was turning into some sappy schoolgirl or something, because… no. Just no._

"_Yeah, well." She shrugged. "Guys are only after one thing, right?"_

_I shrugged, "Maybe separately, but altogether I don't think they're all thinking about sex."_

_She flashed me a mischievous smirk, "Yeah? Then what do you think about?"_

_I was silent. I didn't know what to say._

"_Cherry stems," I said randomly._

"_Cherry stems?"_

_I nodded._

_Yeah, cherry stems made sense._

_She looked like she was about to tell me something, but she stopped._

"_Anyway, maybe I shouldn't think about boys until college," she amended. I didn't think that was what she was going to say in the first place, in any case._

"_Is that how it's always been?"_

_She shrugged, but it was weird to think of her not knowing something. She always knew._

"_Well, what do you think now?" I asked. She opened her mouth to answer._

"_I think—" and then, because I was an idiot, I kissed her._

_And it was amazing._

_I was kissing her on the mouth, lips moving against hers. She hadn't been responding but I slipped my hands around her waist, hoping she'd let me be selfish just this once and hoping I could be an exception on that list of guys who couldn't kiss her, who I figured had every guy in the world on it._

_No exceptions to me._

_But then her lips pressed harder against mine, and she wound her arms around my neck. I pulled her closer._

_She tasted sweet. Like cherries._

Cherry stems…

_And then all of a sudden I didn't know what exactly we were doing, because suddenly she had me against the balcony, and our tongues were moving against each other's, tangling, untangling, tasting._

_To think this was my first kiss. And hers. I knew it was._

_I knew this memory was going to be in that folder, again. The one with all the feelings Hotaru let me feel._

_I also knew I never wanted this to stop, but it had to eventually._

_Right at that moment, right when I had that thought, it did. She pulled herself away and stared at me._

_I felt naked, to be honest. Like maybe those violet eyes were criticizing me. I knew I looked like shit after that, because I just didn't know what to think._

_But then she said, "What the hell was that for?" I gulped and walked away from the edge of the balcony, in case she decided to corner me. Because if she did, I'd kiss her again. Over and over and over. And I didn't think she'd mind too much, either._

_But she'd probably punch me the next time, and I would deserve it._

_Her eyes were still watching me. Cynical and skeptical and…_

"_I don't know," I mumbled, kicking around some dirt. "I thought we could both use the practice."_

_She stared, and then went and leaned over the balcony again._

_I looked at my watch. 12:01._

_It's been two years since that day, but I could still feel my lips on hers._

_She could never tie the cherry stem, but she was still a good kisser._

* * *

><p>Both actions had been stupid, but necessary.<p>

I found myself second-guessing. I mean, was it really necessary to hit her?

_Or was I just too messed up to know? _I thought.

This pity party of mine pissed me off, but I hadn't been myself. I can't really be myself without her.

I love her – that's why I can let her go. Except the thing is, even though we've always been so close, we've also always been so far.

Ugh, cheesiness.

What other reason could there be for us not getting together already? I was scared for both of us, and maybe that made me a wimp but I couldn't risk it for her. It wasn't so much the typical "what if we lose our friendship?" situation. It was that and the thought that I might become anything like my dad. I never wanted to hurt her that way.

I looked at my hands again.

And she was always too good for me.

Too classy.

Her parents had said things like please, and thank you. They smiled. They had furniture. If anybody screamed, it would've been out of happiness, or because they were fighting.

But at my home, my mom never fought with my dad. There was hitting and screaming, but one-sided. There was the frequent whimper of pain, but one-sided.

Damn, everything's one-sided in my house.

* * *

><p>More months passed, and I decided I had had enough.<p>

Today was the day I'd break up with Sumire Shouda.

It was nine o'clock in the morning, and it was Saturday. Was nine o'clock too early? Too early to break up with someone, yeah, maybe.

But I didn't care.

I got out of the yellow brick house, started the engine and drove to Sumire's.

I thought of how, after Hotaru and I had built the treehouse, I had ended up sleeping there almost every night, because I hated my house. But then after Sumire, I couldn't stand myself. Couldn't stand what I did.

So I started sleeping in my house again, because at least all the fuckery going on wasn't really my fault.

I called Sumire. _563-926-1024._

"_Hello?"_ she said.

"Sumire?"

"_Ruka?"_

I put the phone on speaker and placed it on my dashboard as I drove. "Can…Can I come over?"

"_Do you realize it's nine in the morning?" _But she didn't sound mad. Because Sumire thought she knew exactly what we were going to do, and Sumire never cared about what time it was. She just…_didn't._

"Yes," I replied.

"_Well, go on," _she said. _"I'll be waiting."_

"Kay," I muttered, hanging up.

When I finally arrived at Sumire's house, I wanted to crack my head open.

How exactly was I supposed to break up with her? Was I supposed to be straight up about it or something? I mean…

…Wait, why did I even _care?_

But I went up the steps and rang the doorbell anyway, and Sumire came out and let me in.

She sat on the couch and offered me a bottle. I denied it, but she took her own and popped the cap off.

"So, what's up?" she asked. I knew what she was expecting to happen. This was her routine. We'd meet up somewhere, and we'd dawdle for a while, and next thing you know…

"I'm breaking up with you," I blurted.

She was about to take a swig, but she stopped when she heard what I said.

"You're what?"

Oh god. Please, please, please don't go ape-shit on me.

"Breaking up with you." I stood up abruptly.

She stared. And then she took her bottle of booze and poured it on me. And then she slapped me, punched me in the stomach, yelled some colorful words and something about animals, and threw me out of her house with a glare.

Well, that went well.

* * *

><p><em>It was Valentine's day.<em>

_I knew Hotaru thought it was a shitty waste of time except for the profit she got on her pictures, but something made me go to Central Town and buy her a bunch of flowers. Her favorites were irises._

_So I bought her irises._

_Something also made me go to the jewelry store and buy her a ring. Sapphire. Princess cut. Silver gold band._

_I remember she mentioned she liked the color of my eyes once, and that in the dark, they looked like sapphires._

_She blushed after she said that. Just barely, but I saw – not that I'd tell her about it. She'd probably kill me if she knew I knew. Though she probably knew that I did._

_How I managed to buy it? Let's just say I worked really hard and my boss thought a nice Valentine's Day gift would be to give me a little more pay as reward for my great work._

_It was a really nice gift._

_I bought a card, and then got back into my car to look for a pen. Then I opened the card and wrote on it. After little debate, I wrote, 'Hey, Hotaru. Let's go out tonight. I'll pick you up at eight? Love, Ruka.'_

_Then I drove over to her house and put the bouquet of irises, the card, and the box containing the sapphire ring on her doorstep, knocking on the door a few times before I left to the comfort of my car again. I drove away to the side just as Hotaru opened the door, looking skeptical before spotting the three items. She picked them up, opened the card, and I was able to catch the surprised expression on her face before it turned into a nonchalant mask once again. She smiled at the irises. But I swallowed when she saw what the box was. She smirked and opened it._

_I held my breath._

_And then I saw her smile wider and put it on._

_And that made me extremely happy._

_I drove away._

_Later that night, I never did take Hotaru out on what we both knew was going to be a date. All because of Sumire, who interrupted my plans – she hadn't been my girlfriend yet, but she was a little clingy._

_I was adamant about taking Hotaru out, but I slowly found myself giving in. After all, people like us had to stick together._

_So, instead of really taking Hotaru out to a nice place, instead of asking her to become my girlfriend – because I was done with being a wimp – I took her out to an abandoned parking lot where I hung out with Sumire and her groupies._

_I was still a wimp._

_Hotaru had left when she could, too. I let her, because I knew we were both wondering what the fuck had happened to me._

* * *

><p>The next time I saw Sumire was at school, two days later.<p>

She and her groupies were glaring at me. I turned away from her and was about to walk away too, when I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Sumire.

She was smirking at me, and she leaned close to whisper in my ear.

"I'm going to burn it down."

I stared at her. "Burn what down?"

"You know how your girlfriend loves animals so much?"

"She's not my girlfriend," I said.

She glared at me. "Well, do you or do you not know how much she loves animals?"

"I do know."

"You know that pet shop she has a soft spot for?" I nodded mutely. "Desiree's Pets or something?" I stayed still.

"I'm burning it down."

I swallowed. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I'm pissed, Ruka. I'm doing this because I'm pissed and I'm letting you know that in case you were too blind to see it, I hate her. I hate Hotaru and I hate you. And I also know she's why you broke up with me."

I stared.

"You're going down, Ruka. Don't forget that it'll be all because of me. And it's not just because I'll blame you for it. I'll make you look like you killed yourself all on your own," she gave me a twisted smile. "I'll burn them."

"Sure," I said. She glared at me once more, flipped me the bird and left me.

And I wasn't exactly sure what I was supposed to do with the information.

But I decided to tell Hotaru about it anyway.

* * *

><p>I stopped her just before she got out of her car.<p>

"Hotaru, we need to talk."

"No, Ruka. Go away."

"I'm in trouble, Hotaru," I said. "I'm in deep shit."

"Why should I care?" she told me, getting out of her car.

"Please, Hotaru."

"No."

"Slinky's, Hotaru. I'm begging you."

She looked into my eyes and I was sure, I was so sure, that she was going to say no again.

But then…she didn't.

"Fine." She glared. "Make it quick."

"She's going to kill the animals, Hotaru," I said frantically, even though she already said she'd let me talk.

"Get in the fucking car, Ruka," she said. I did.

"She's crazy. She's really going to kill them."

"Save it until Slinky's, Ruka," she said gruffly. After that, I shut up.

But then we got to Slinky's.

And I ordered my chicken burger and cherry coke. And she ordered large crab sticks, a grilled cheese and a tall vanilla milkshake – triple the amount of whipped cream and chocolate shavings.

With a strawberry and a cherry.

She'd never done that before. What was it supposed to mean?

"Talk," she commanded.

So I told her. I told her about how Sumire was going to kill those animals. How she was going to burn them. I told her all about what she did when I broke up with her, and I saw a wry smile appear on Hotaru's face.

I didn't stop there. I told her about how Sumire told me she was going to kill me, too. And how I was going to ask her out the day I gave her those irises and ring. And how I've never felt anything like that kiss two years ago.

And I pretty much said everything that happened and everything on my mind, except for "I love you" – although, maybe she got the point already.

I don't know.

And I saw how she wasn't wearing the ring anymore. I was going to ask her about it, when she said, "I don't wear the ring anymore. I keep it in my bag." She stared at me, as if to tell me some kind of hidden message along the lines of, 'I don't wear it anymore because you're a complete jackass, and that's just how it is.'

Because it was.

And she said how she wasn't going to help me. She was just going to save those animals.

But I knew she meant helping me.

And I knew she wouldn't let me be killed.

Even though it hurt that she couldn't say it.

Sumire Shouda was crazy, and a mythomaniac, but I knew she wouldn't stop to do something that was so outrageous she _could. _She wanted the attention. Needed the attention.

Absolutely _craved _the attention.

Because she was just as messed up as I am, except that I realized not all my choices were bad. Otherwise I wouldn't have told Hotaru.

But Sumire might be too far gone to save, and that made my heart go out to her, even if she was a psycho.

I watched as Hotaru ate her food. And then the strawberry. And then put the cherry in her mouth. Like all the other times, I never saw it again.

And not surprisingly, I wished once more that I could have been the cherry in between her pink lips.

She took the cherry stem, like always, and put it in her mouth.

Maybe it was for old times' sake, but I still don't ever remember seeing the strawberry and the cherry together.

All of a sudden, Hotaru said, "I'm going. Bye."

She stood up, took her bag, and was about to leave when she took the stem from her mouth and threw it onto the table in front of me.

She left, but I knew she saw my shocked face.

The cherry stem was tied.

* * *

><p>She actually did it.<p>

She saved the animals.

She saved me, even.

It's not that it was shocking that she could do it; I was just so surprised because she did.

Not so much the animals. I knew she'd save them.

But I kind of doubted about me, although I knew she wouldn't let me be killed. Somewhere in my heart.

Sumire got caught.

Hell, my dad got caught. Hotaru had revealed everything she'd had to keep for the past seventeen years.

But there was still one last thing I had to do. I walked up to her, even though she was being questioned by the police on what exactly had happened. I didn't pull her away, I just took her attention.

"Hotaru?"

She raised an eyebrow.

And then I kissed her again. And her lips still tasted the exact same as they did two years ago – sweet. Like cherries.

I wrapped my arms around her waist, and she wound her arms around my neck, and we stayed there and we kissed.

And this time, I was the first to pull away.

"This time, the cherry stem was right," I said. "But I don't think we needed it in the first place."

And I smiled, because even that defied destiny, just a little.

She punched my arm, knowing what the whole deal with the cherry stem was. I grinned at her, taking the sapphire ring from her pocket and putting it back on her right ring finger. I took her hands and said, "Hotaru. Be my girlfriend."

I think she was happy I hadn't exactly chosen the sappy approach.

She smiled at me, a small smile that no one else could see, but I could see clearly.

"You little fucker," she said.

I grinned. "I am a little fucker, aren't I?"

She kissed me again.

I took that as a yes.

And then we stopped and faced the officers, who were giving us suggestive looks.

I think I like the police here.

They had to ask about that too, but it was all good.

I was just happy I had defied destiny once more.

And getting the girl wasn't too much of a shabby job, either.

And that's just how it was.

...

At night, we went to the treehouse again, planning to replace the _memories _Sumire gave the place. It was all over.

But as my lips touched Hotaru's nose, lips, neck, I whispered, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" she asked.

"The day that I…" _Hit you._

She said, "You won't do it again. So why stay in the past?" And I smiled.

"Okay," I said. "And I won't." And then we kissed again. "And I'm sorry about Sumire, and everything I did, and…"

She punched me to shut me up. I let out an "ow".

"Ruka?" Hotaru asked quietly.

"Yeah?"

"I love you," she said bluntly. I stared into those eyes and I said,

"I know." Then, "I love you."

And she said, "I knew that a long time ago." She smirked.

And I knew I had to kiss her again. I was never leaving this treehouse.

Screw destiny.

* * *

><p><em>Fin.<em>


End file.
